Donald Trump finally appears at debate to roast GOP rivals on ‘SNL’

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By Dan Sears

NBC’s “Saturday Night Live” imagined if time froze over and Donald Trump finally appeared at a Republican debate.

While the real former president and current GOP frontrunner spent Saturday night taking in a UFC fight in Madison Square Garden, his “SNL” alter ego was gleefully belittling his Republican competitors and reminding viewers who’s top dog.

The show kicked off with “SNL” depicting its own network’s Wednesday contest as the “kids’ table debate,” featuring Ego Nwodim as Vivek Ramaswamy, Heidi Gardner as Nikki Haley, John Higgins as Ron DeSantis, Molly Kearney as Chris Christie and Devon Walker as Sen. Tim Scott.

Then Trump, played by James Austin Johnson, stormed onto the scene with a smirk on his face close to the size of his polling lead.

“How adorable they actually think they’ve got a chance. Sad in some ways, but in other ways funny. Can you believe it folks? Ninety-one indictments, four trials. And I’m still the best choice,” the fake Trump ribbed as the debate froze in the background.

The opening skit featured “Trump” roasting his fellow Republican nominees.

“Now they’re all stuck behind me. And there’s nothing they can do about it, just like in real life — three percent, eight percent, 14%, five percent,” he sneered, ticking through their polling figures.

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Trump noted that Scott was polling at only one percent, “lower than frankly milk,” leading to a new nickname for the senator.

“We like Skim Scott. We love him,” Johnson’s Trump said. “And his girlfriend. Not a lot of chemistry between those to right? They make me and Melania look like Taylor and Travis.”

SNL’s Trump explained why he wasn’t able to attend the verbal bout — he’s skipped all three of them in real life and hinted at plans to boycott the fourth on Dec. 6 as well.

“None of them can beat Joe Biden. The worst president since, frankly, me,” he quipped. “I’m very, very busy. I’m going from trial to trial. I’m basically doing ‘House Hunters’ but with courtrooms.”

In real life, Trump opted for a counter programming rally in nearby Hialeah, Fla. instead. But in SNL land, Trump was having the time of his life, crowing about his dominance.

Five Republican contenders take the stage in the real-world GOP debate last week.
The “kids table” debaters featuring Molly Kearney as Chris Christie, Heidi Gardner as Nikki Haley, John Higgins as Ron DeSantis, Ego Nwodim as Vivek Ramaswamy, and Devon Walker as Sen. Tim Scott.

Scott debuted his girlfriend, design and renovation manager Mindy Noce during the verbal bout, sending tongues wagging across the country.

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One by one, Johnson’s Trump ridiculed his Republican rivals onstage.

“How about Vivek Ramaswamy? We like to say Ramaswamy! But do we like him?” SNL’s Trump asked. “He’s a lot like me. Except for one thing that matters a lot to my horrible, horrible base: White! Sad. He’s going nowhere.”

At the time of the actual debate, Trump chose to attend a counter programming rally in Hialeah, Fla instead.

“Poor Ron DeSantis, even ‘SNL’ doesn’t think he has a chance. If they did, it’d be like Paul Rudd there’s something in there.”

“How about Nikki Haley right,” he quipped. “I have trouble hearing women over 25.”

“How could we forget Chris Christie? It’s actually pretty easy. You just walk away,” he jabbed about the Trump attack dog.

Donald Trump visited Madison Square Garden on Saturday night to watch the UFC fight.

Johnson’s Trump then aired out some of real-life Trump’s grievances over his legal struggles.

“They’re saying I committed fraud,” he said. “Not true, OK? Not true. I’ve committed a lot of things; adultery, treason, a lot of fraud, perhaps.”

He then noted how it was sad that prosecutors forced his “sweet little middle-aged criminal children” to testify against him, and predicted how it will all end.

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“It’ll be very sad when I pin it all on one of them, probably Eric,” he said.

This week’s “SNL” was hosted by actor Timothée Chalamet, who cheered the recent deal between the actors in the SAG-AFTRA union and studios, ending the multi-month strike.

The episode also featured musical guest boygenius.

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